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7th Grade Writing - Revising & Editing Lesson
at your writing to see how it can be improved.
If I am writing a letter, is the reason for writing clearly stated?
In formal writing, it is important to use formal language. Casual language and "slang" are not appropriate.
It is usually inappropriate to directly address the reader by using the pronoun "you" in formal essays and reports.
"a big box" → "an eight-foot-tall cardboard box with a smiley-face logo"
Are my details accurate and clearly explained?
Are details about the rules of checkers relevant, or not?
Elijah traveled to the moon. He got out of his spaceship. He planted a flag. The flag said, "Elijah was here, but now he is gone." Elijah climbed back into his spaceship. He traveled back to Earth. Elijah traveled to the moon. When he arrived, he got out of his spaceship and planted a flag that said, "Elijah was here, but now he is gone." Then, he climbed back into his spaceship and traveled back to Earth.
 1.  Are my sentences complete and correctly formed?
 2.  Do my subjects agree with my predicates?
 3.  Have I followed all other grammar rules and conventions?
 4.  Is my writing correctly punctuated?
 5.  Are words and proper nouns correctly capitalized?
 6.  Are all my words spelled correctly?
Read this short paragraph that Hannah is writing about her father's work. It will be featured in the class newspaper. (1) My dad owns a bakery in our town called Delicious Delights. (2) People stream in and out of his shop mourning, noon, and night for his totally awesome baked goods. (3) They mainly come for his freshly baked muffins and cookies. (4) His specialty treats, such as pies and cakes. (5) My dad is such a good baker that he has even won blue ribbons in baking contests all around the world. (6) Sometimes he bakes at home, too, but my mom really does most of the home baking. (7) As you can probably guess, I am very proud of my dad.
The phrase "totally awesome" could be replaced by a strong, appropriate word like scrumptious or delicious.
The conclusion in Sentence 6 could be reworded and strengthened to say, "I am so lucky and proud to have such a talented, amazing dad!"
(1) My dad owns a bakery in our town called Delicious Delights. (2) People stream in and out of his shop mourning, noon, and night for his scrumptious baked goods. (3) They mainly come for his freshly baked muffins and cookies. (4) His specialty treats, such as pies and cakes. (5) My dad is such a good baker that he has even won blue ribbons in baking contests all around the world. (6) Sometimes he bakes at home, too, but my mom really does most of the home baking. (7) I am so lucky and proud to have such a talented, amazing dad!
She could also give specific examples of the countries around the world where her father won baking contests.
Perhaps people come in for his blueberry crumb muffins and banana cream cookies.
His specialty treats might be strawberry rhubarb pies and decadent Texas sheet cakes.
Hannah could add a sentence giving examples of her dad's blue ribbon winning recipes in two different countries: "For instance, he won first prize for his maple pecan pie in Ontario, Canada, and for his apple butter cream cheese cake in London, England."
(1) My dad owns a bakery in our town called Delicious Delights. (2) People stream in and out of his shop mourning, noon, and night for his scrumptious baked goods. (3) They mainly come for his freshly baked blueberry crumb muffins and banana cream cookies. (4) His specialty treats, such as strawberry rhubarb pies and decadent Texas sheet cakes. (5) My dad is such a good baker that he has even won blue ribbons in baking contests all around the world. (6) For instance, he won first prize for his maple pecan pie in Ontario, Canada, and for his apple butter cream cheese cake in London, England. (7) Sometimes he bakes at home, too, but my mom really does most of the home baking. (8) I am so lucky and proud to have such a talented, amazing dad!
Additionally, in Sentence 5, the word good is a bit weak. It could be replaced with a stronger word, like top-notch, excellent, or brilliant.
(1) My dad, Karl K. Swift, owns a bakery called Delicious Delights right here in Grapevine, Texas. (2) People stream in and out of his shop mourning, noon, and night for his scrumptious baked goods. (3) They mainly come for his freshly baked blueberry crumb muffins and banana cream cookies. (4) His specialty treats, such as strawberry rhubarb pies and decadent Texas sheet cakes. (5) My dad is such a top-notch baker that he has even won blue ribbons in baking contests all around the world. (6) For instance, he won first prize for his maple pecan pie in Ontario, Canada, and for his apple butter cream cheese cake in London, England. (7) Sometimes he bakes at home, too, but my mom really does most of the home baking. (8) I am so lucky and proud to have such a talented, amazing dad!
(1) My dad, Karl K. Swift, owns a bakery called Delicious Delights right here in Grapevine, Texas. (2) People stream in and out of his shop mourning, noon, and night for his scrumptious, freshly baked blueberry crumb muffins and banana cream cookies. (3) His specialty treats, such as strawberry rhubarb pies and decadent Texas sheet cakes. (4) My dad is such a top-notch baker that he has even won blue ribbons in baking contests all around the world. (5) For instance, he won first prize for his maple pecan pie in Ontario, Canada, and for his apple butter cream cheese cake in London, England. (6) I am so lucky and proud to have such a talented, amazing dad!
The words morning and mourning are commonly confused homophones.
Hannah needs the word morning, which is the time of day before noon. The other mourning is a word that means "expression of deep sorrow."
(1) My dad, Karl K. Swift, owns a bakery called Delicious Delights right here in Grapevine, Texas. (2) People stream in and out of his shop morning, noon, and night for his scrumptious, freshly baked blueberry crumb muffins and banana cream cookies. (3) They also love his specialty treats, such as strawberry rhubarb pies and decadent Texas sheet cakes. (4) My dad is such a top-notch baker that he has even won blue ribbons in baking contests all around the world. (5) For instance, he won first prize for his maple pecan pie in Ontario, Canada, and for his apple butter cream cheese cake in London, England. (6) I am so lucky and proud to have such a talented, amazing dad!
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